Careful kitty

 Ok, I don't want the fire crackers coming out, but I actually had a decent sleep last night. No nightmares like I did the other night; did I forget to mention that? Had my favourite nightmare that likes to repeat itself every now and then...Kevin leaves me for an ex because they have become sicker than me and so he asks me to move out...and in the dream his head is always really small. Very odd. I dream a lot with not too many nightmares. I usually remember them and try to explain them back to Kevin, who always sits there with a huge grin and seems to enjoy this imaginative side of me.
The main thing I have noted since being with Kevin is that my dreams, whether good or bad, are full of vibrant colour. When I was with Sam, I don't recall colour, just a lot of blurred edges in black and white. The odd colour would stand out, like a bold red, but nothing else. With Kevin, the colour makes me remember the dreams, and they are bright! He is always there in a dream, either by my side and I can't see his face, or right in front of me and I see him clearly. 


In the last 2 months I have a dream that scared the living daylights out of me. The first was when Kevin and Mary where battling their way back from the Rockies in horrendous weather, trying frantically to get back home in one piece, in one day. I think they drove for more than 12 hours to get back to Vancouver. I was really upset that they would not be able to make it home in time, and more upset that I would have to wait another day for Kevin, which after 2 weeks without him was too much to handle. I managed to fall asleep and was really upset that I hadn't heard from him due to power failures and snowstorms in Alberta. 
The next part felt so real that I still feel like it wasn't a dream:
I was under the covers when I heard Kevin come home, but was too sleepy to poke my head out from under the duvet. I heard his footsteps come into the bedroom, felt him sit on the bed, lean down towards and felt the breath of his whisper as he said, "honeybee, it's ok, I'll be home soon. I promise"
I shot out of the covers and realised that it was a dream! I called out to Kevin but the house was pitch black and quiet. No one was there but me. I could still feel him in the room, smell him. That breath felt so real, so strong on my ear that I could not quite believe it was a dream. So of course, I thought he had died and this was his ghost coming to see me! Nevertheless, I sent frantic texts asking him if he was dead and his ghost visited me, and on and on I rambled until he called me ok, "honey, are YOU ok?" 


Anyway, I have no idea why I just rambled on about my dreams, but onwards I must proceed! I know mum takes dreams seriously but would be curious as to what others think of them...


So as the title states, I was a careful little kitty today. Felt like a brand new kitten when you first set it on the grass...

Walk slowly and you will not die!

It felt like that this morning. Woke up, checked myself into reality. Ok, feeling hungover but you've dealt with that before so remember back to those good old uni days and your remedy: carbs, tea, and poweraide.


I decided that for overnight I will take 2 Hydromorphones (2mg) every 4 hours so set my alarm for 2 and 6am. At 6am I also took 1 Tylenol extra-strength (650mg per tab), kissed Kevin goodbye and settled back to sleep, along with some CC action. 
Woke up at 10 and felt ok...cautiously got out of bed, sat on the edge and flexed my legs waiting too see what my body would do...it did nothing and I think it was waiting for me to make my move and then retaliate. Made a cup of mint tea and once that went down I downed a banana with yoghurt. So far, so good. Body is still holding back, like a spoiled brat waiting to find the perfect moment to throw a tantrum in the shopping mall...No, this will not happen today.
After sending some work emails to let them know my current status (mush brain, can not multi task), I decided to get into my knee specific stretches, but do them really, really slowly. It seemed like my body was ok with this progression and after hearing my stomach groan rather loudly, I decided to hit the next feux-hangover cure: carbs!

When we where younger with an upset tum, mum would fix us up a simple meal: boiled pasta, grated cheddar cheese, butter, salt and pepper. Incredibly simple but it has the right ingredients you are craving post feeling sick. Fat, crabs, protein and salt. Another cup of tea and some salty crackers and I thought that it was time to get outside and expect the garden..or lack of it. Now normally I would be out there picking up the stray branches, picking the sticks and making a fire wood stack, tilling the veggie patches. But that will all have to wait, which makes me a bit nervous as I should be tilling and getting the soil ready to plant outdoors...move on Sarah! 

I was really happy to see new buds popping up, seeing that the tulips I planted in October weren't washed away from the rains, or had drowned due to all the snow fall. The little seedlings that I had started indoors are being climatized to the outdoors, so every morning when Kevin goes to work he takes them outside so they spend a good solid 8 hours outside, then brings them back inside overnight. 

Precious little babies!

 I thought that throwing out old Illy Coffee containers was a waste so I drilled holes in the bottom, and am using them to grow herbs!
Grow Borage, grow!









We have the cutest little patch of these growing under the trees. I love crocus! 

 One of my many calendula baby plants that we started indoors...

Garlic!

Tulips finally deciding to show up

 That's right, I have no make up on, I am scruffy, my eyebrows are in dire need of some good grooming, and yet I am ok with being outside..I really should change that hoodie though. Been living in it for far too long.


So I felt really bad that I just was too sore to do the dishes the last couple of days. I let Kevin know how bad I feel. He has been doing everything: working all day in a difficult role, comes home around 5pmish, makes my dinner, cleans up, chats with me, runs my bath, helps wash me (I don't think he complains about that part part), makes sure I have my drinks and drugs by the bedside, that my ice has been topped up in the CC, and tucks me into bed. By this time it's 9.30pm and he's exhausted, barely having time for himself. I can't help but feel guilty as hell, I know I shouldn't and he said "this is what a relationship is about Sarah, you would do the same, and even more for me" 
I can not wait to cook him a meal. I love cooking for Kevin, and I always try to make it flash, with great presentation as he is my best critic. As old fashioned as it may sound, I love the fact that I can time dinner perfectly that when he enters the door, it is ready to be served! Don't get me wrong, I love it when he cooks for me but I am so happy doing it for him. So for now, the best I can do is the dishes. And while at the sink I started doing my knee lifts!

Lift your knee and scrub that pan!

 And then I wanted to see how my knee feels like with a squat:

Damn camera...

You can see the muscle definition around the left knee especially the calf coming out, but the right knee there is too much swelling and no definition. Plus, my balance is not centred and my left hip drops lower than the right...wonky!

The new toy...

Ok, it does look like some sort of medieval torture contraption and it might end up feeling like torture some day but this is going to contribute a great deal towards my rehab. This is an indoor bike trainer: I lock the back wheel into the machine and it provides a platform for me to cycle indoors without worrying about balancing. By using this I can adapt my own bike into a stationary bike that will fit easily into the bedroom. Because I won't be able to drive to the gym for a few weeks this will allow me to start some light cardio work at home and allow me to increase my range of mobility. 
I am off for my first physio assessment tomorrow morning and will ask them as to when it the right time to get back on the bike. Paolo informed me that when I do jump on the first exercise will only be practising "half moons" which is peddling only half the way. Once I have muscle control and strength to go all the way around, then I can start cycling with no resistance, for small amounts each day, then slowly increase depending on range and pain. 


Anyway, the sun is still shining so I will go for another stroll outside and take in some more fresh air.